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The Long Haul

4/23/2013

9 Comments

 
Note: Apparently these postings are getting closer to bi-weekly rather than weekly. Haven't given up on that weekly goal, though! 
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Last week my parents celebrated their 65th anniversary. I am in awe. In the unlikely event G and I make it to that mile marker, we will both be into our second century of life.  I'm not sure I want to envision that scenario.

I like to watch long-married couples interact with each other. Couples who've spent decades riding the same roller coaster of life develop 

their own communication shorthand. They often know what their partners are thinking or anticipate the needs of the other without words. Underneath layers of growing pains, celebrations, conflicts, successes, disappointments, and maybe some tragedies, is a stone foundation of commitment to their relationship.

It takes perseverance to keep at anything for a long haul. I admire those whose achievements demonstrate such dedication - successful athletes, business entrepreneurs, missionaries, artists - even if I don't particularly like the individuals or their methods. And "like" is really a key word. An athlete may not always like having to practice, entrepreneurs and missionaries may not like the rejections that come with the territory, and artists may not like that not everyone values their talents. They endure because the results matter to them. Surely it's a similar drive that keeps an until-death-do-us-part relationship intact through times when the pair just doesn't like each other - because ultimately they matter to each other. 

My parents are good role models for enduring relationships. They grew up during the Great Depression, and raised their children with a mix of old-fashioned (kids in playpens!) and ahead-of-their-time (no such thing as "boy chores" and "girl chores") parenting. They don't always agree with each other. They've had their share of disappointments; they have some regrets about missed opportunities, and they appreciate how they've benefited from some decisions made without researching potential outcomes. They've shared some incredible adventures. They look out for each other, accommodate each other's quirks, listen to stories they've repeated to each other dozens of times. They can still make each other laugh, or hit the other's hot buttons. 

If perfect means never having issues with each other, then their relationship isn't perfect. But it is real. At the end of the day, even a day when they may not like each other, they understand each other as no one else ever will. There's no quick ride to rewards like that.
9 Comments
Shel Harrington link
4/24/2013 12:47:28 pm

Absolutely LOVE your parents! They are awesome role models for longevity, quirk accommodation, and what one can do with a sturdy sense of humor. Well said, my dear!

Reply
Natine
4/25/2013 01:55:40 pm

Thank you, dear sister. :)

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cmk link
4/25/2013 05:35:59 pm

One of the best things about love/marriage that I have ever read is this: "Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them." I think that sums up most marriages perfectly. ;)

K and I will be celebrating 40 years in October--"it was an arranged marriage and I was a child bride" is the ONLY thing that can explain how we've been married this long. :D Soon after we were married, my m-i-l pointed at my f-i-l and said, "THAT is what you have to look forward to after 45 years." This was said with a twinkle in her eye, but has proven to be true--and I couldn't have asked for anything better.

My parents will celebrate 60 years in January. When we first got married, I couldn't imagine 20 years of marriage--today I can see K and myself hitting 60 years and beyond.

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Shel Harrington link
4/30/2013 03:11:27 am

Oh my gosh - I LOVE that quote, CMK. I'd love to use it in an upcoming post on my own blog that will be a compilation of sayings about marriage. Do you know who I should attribute it to?

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cmk link
4/30/2013 04:16:11 am

I really have no idea where that quote came from--somewhere on the interwebs is all I know. It might have first been seen on the site someecards.com. Anyway, it still is one of the best descriptions of marriage that I have ever seen. I look forward to reading your post! :-)

Natine
5/6/2013 10:07:23 am

Wow, CMK! What a tribute to your husband, his mom, and the relationship you've built with each other. Your love/marriage quote sums it up perfectly!

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Dee Dee Chumley link
4/30/2013 07:58:55 am

Great post, Natine, and congratulations to your parents on an amazing accomplishment. I also love the quotation from CMK. It reminds me of one my mother heard a woman say on television and liked to quote: "Me and Jim have been married over sixty years, and I never thought of leaving him. A few times I thought about shooting him, but never leaving him." :-)

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cmk link
4/30/2013 12:15:11 pm

I believe I have heard that quote also, Dee, Dee. My mother has said the same thing about marriage to my father, but she just used the word 'murder' instead of 'shooting.' She also has said, "Why would I divorce him and make him happy?" :D

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Natine
5/6/2013 10:09:06 am

I swear your comments never fail to make me laugh right aloud, Dee Dee! So much truth in that comment, though. :)

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